Friday, December 08, 2006

Die, Tea, Die!

I was recently given a gift of tea.

Now normally, I would be very pleased as I do enjoy my tea.

However, it was DIET Tea.

Now I know I've put on a few, ahem, pounds, since Sui Mai but still, a gift like this is very telling. And deserves a gift in kind. Like a punch in the mouth or something of the kind, wrapped up in a lovely fist.

Upon seeing the not-too-grateful expression on my face, the gift giver took a huge step back and proceeded to exclaim...

"You asked me to!"

A split second later and I was thanking and apologising profusely.

I had forgotten that several months ago I had asked her to pick me up a box when she commented that her colleague had had much success with it.

So, upon my return from my eating spree in Montreal and with the looming certainty that I would have to fit into the dress I bought months ago for the boy's sister's wedding next week, I decided to test out the tea.

The first day I brought it into the office, I asked a colleague to translate the instructions regarding frequency and infusion. When she saw the box, she was immediately alarmed.

Apparently I'm not the most pleasant person to be around whilst on a diet. Who knew?

In any case, she felt compelled to tell me that this tea is very famous and that it has certain side effects which I should be aware of.

Particularly the effect which may send me running to the loo clutching my ample bottom.

I debated...

but I went ahead, risking the runs.

So, with great apprehension, I had a cup a day.

My apprehension quickly turned to doubt which then turned to annoyance.

I had been expecting that I may have to visit the throne on a regular basis but that was not the case. In fact, I felt no changes rumbling around in my intestines.

I quickly called up my friend asking about the effects. Not having been silly enough to indulge herself, she was not sure but somehow felt awkward asking her colleague if she had the runs, claiming that she didn't want to know. Disloyal cowardice is what I call it.

I became annoyed and impatient and doubled the dosage.

...still no toilet visits and no weight lost.

In conclusion, save your money to bribe photographers to use Photoshop.

(photos of non-pooing and non-diet tea to come)

1 comment:

Labhaoise said...

Oh yes....this brings back memories of my first experience with diet tea. My divine Chinese colleagues are usually to be trusted, treating me to local delicacies beyond compare. However I tried this tea on their recommendation (yeah, thanks guys) and DID have the undesirable side effect...I think the weight loss is just fluid loss after that little experiment. Back to the coffee for me. Sod the diet. Who was I kidding?